Pazartesi, Kasım 22, 2010

Life is a criminal. - Hayat bir suçludur.

"I think we should keep our relationship - or whatever you call it - just in this cab; I wish nothing more than a customer-driver business with you. Everyday, thirty minutes is quite enough for me to stand your personality."

My words were harsh, I could sense that. But, maybe, for the first time since I came here, those words only belonged to the real me. I was absolutely certain of all the actions following this friendly process between me and him. My modesty would not lose a single faculty on this young man. I had to focus on many other things like my job, professional contacts etc. beside this wounding drama and else.

As he was trying so hard not to catch my eyes on the mirror, I continued speaking. He was listening, I knew that, but a part of me could sense the hurry in his driving like he wanted to get rid of me and complete his job as soon as possible. It didn't hurt. He had his own explanations and reasons to justify his action. I would not be that cruel person to question his attitude and life choice or do a psychoanalitic research on him anyway. I solely wanted to be clear wtih him in any ways of communication.

Stop asking me why I did not consider of replacing him! I did. However, the hotel manager told me that Özgür was the only available driver around those hours and that would be a little too late to fix a new one; thus, I reluctantly ended the conversation. Or I thought I did. When the manager asked if everything was allright between me and him, I was not able to respond with words, so instead I gave a releiving touch on the shoulder and a faked smile in return. Now, this is quite a dramatic finale!

Back to the cab, as we got near to Galata Tower, Özgür suddenly stopped the car and started talking interrupting my long and meaningless sentences:

"Life is a criminal. I, myself, am a criminal, a really bad one. I should not let things go by me but since they are so untouchable and out of reach, I cannot do anything to change or even affect their course. They won't let me or I am too lazy or scared to do so. Every fiber of my body screams to let them in yet all I get in the end is a cold bed and a body that leaves his soul in front of television every night. I did not want that. Like I said it is life and its criminal mind causes this horrible depression." As he finished, his eyes were wet.

"I think, I should first visit that liquor store, I may need more cigarettes today." That was me talking on his own. I ignored his words and his surprised face. I sighed and got off the cab.

Not that I did not listen or have anything to say. I chose to say nothing. Because I know if I had said something, that would have been the last time that I saw him. Therefore, silence is golden! And I am late for work!!

Hiç yorum yok:

Yorum Gönder